Ramblings.

I think my problem is that i don’t have a cure for pain.

I was thinking of someone today, and how I always want to take away everyone’s pain, because I can’t help but share in it. When others have joy, I am joyful, when they are in hardship, I cry for them, my heart breaks for them, I really deeply feel what they feel. And sometimes, I think I feel it even more than they’re feeling.

Before I worry you, I think it’s important that I point out that I’ve learned long ago that it’s not healthy to take their pain upon myself- but rather to be a listening ear, and following that, give it to God. 

It’s been this way as long as I can remember too. If I think back to the first instance where I can remember feeling compassion, it was for my brother Jack. When I remember my heart really truly hurting for someone else’s pain, it was for him. I’d just come back from a fun filled day at Lisburn Swimming Pool (and trust me, as an 11 year old, it was life changing stuff.) full of the joys of spring, busting to tell my parents about my day. But as the big sister, I was, as always, wondering where Jack and Sam were, and what they’d been doing. I can remember mum telling me Jack was asleep, running up the stairs to see him, how he wasn’t in his own bed.

I can remember the pain I felt right in my heart when I looked at him lying there, blonde curls framing his tear-stained, puffy little face, my parents floral duvet up around his chin. I can remember how I saw his hand, wrapped up like a balloon in those white bandages. I had no idea what had happened to him, but I just burst into tears. I couldn’t see him like that, because I knew it must have hurt. I knew he’d been through something that day that had hurt him, and I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d spent my day having fun.

I spoke to my dad about that a few weeks back, and he said he remembers that night as though it was yesterday. How they hadn’t said a word about what had happened to Jack, and I just broke. An 11 year old, crying hysterically, at someone else’s pain. How they explained to me that Jack had been attempting to push our lawnmower into the garage, like he’d seen dad do a hundred times. How he didn’t understand as this little 5 year old, that the engine was hot, and you had to let it cool down before you touched it- he’d put his hand on the engine and it ripped off his skin. I can still imagine him screaming in pain. 

I don’t know why I’m telling this story. But I think the point is that I feel things deeply. I feel other people’s emotions deeply, and they often-times break my heart. 

It’s as well we’re called to love and not to cure, eh?

pressingheaven:

People who sign a contract with Satan never read the fine print, so here it is in normal font: Satan’s only goal is to screw you over. He does not come to ever benefit—he comes only to steal from you, kill you, and destroy you. He succeeds in making you think he can provide the best by getting you to neglect the knowledge of Christ who created even him.